A year ago, I wrote a list of my New Year's Intentions. It was actually January 7th of 2021, to be exact.
I'm well aware that I am more than a month late in posting this... but posting late is better than not at all :)
I decided to set intentions for myself, rather than resolutions. It was a softer and more forgiving way of setting goals for myself. I remember writing, "You might say that I fear commitment, but I say that I fear failure.", and even a year later, that remains true. My fear was that if I set "resolutions", and forgot to keep them or gave up, then I would be too hard on myself. So from there I came up with "intentions"... goals that I had intended to keep without the pressure and the stereotypical resolutions people set, but never kept.
If you would like to read the original post from earlier this year, you can find it here!
Anyways, let's just dive right into this review.
I set 5 goals, or intentions as I called them, for the year of 2021.
The question is, did I accomplish them?
The first one was to write more. || I will admit, this sounds vague and very open to interpretation. However, what I meant was that I wanted to write often and be active on my blog. I can tell you right now, that didn't happen. I wrote maybe three posts this year; I try to never force myself to write when I am not feeling inspired. But not only did a lack of motivation and inspiration block my flow and intent of writing, but time was not in my favor either this year.
I'll be honest, the biggest reason was starting college, and that was a huge hindrance on my ability to actually sit down and write. I didn't completely fail this intention though; even though I didn't fulfill my goal of posting on my blog regularly, I did write in other areas. I have been working on a poetry book for two years now, and this year I have written a total of 48 poems to add to my book, and I have journaled obsessively. Writing is my escape, my outlet, and my comfort. I consider this intention well met :)
Secondly, I wanted to pursue growth. || In my post, I wrote "We move forward in life, and I want to spend less time looking back at things I can no longer change". My goal was to grow in these areas:
+ My relationship with Jesus Christ
+ My photography business (which I had just started!)
+ Becoming the woman the Lord intended me to be.
Now the question is, did I accomplish any of this? And the answer is yes. I went through some crappy stuff this year, but also some wonderful and beautiful things, and I grew and matured through it all. The Lord has been faithful and unchanging through all of my uncertainty, and in that I have definitely found the kind of growth I was pursuing. And as far as my photography business goals went, I am so pleased with where I'm at! I've improved and learned so much, and I only hope to get better in this next year.
The third intent, was to spend less time in my head. || This is one that I struggled with. I want to share again what I wrote last year:
"I build up worlds of impossibilities, and I set expectations that I nor anyone else could ever meet. I basically dream my realities away. I am my biggest let-down, and I want to change that this year. I intend on setting real goals and taking real steps to achieve them, rather than wishing."
Now, I have definitely made an effort with this one, but it was easier said than done. I truly spend most of my life in my head, and am constantly let down by reality. This past year I made a conscious effort to set real standards and expectations, and I do think it has helped.
I saw the most growth in things like my first few months of college: I didn't set any expectations, and I allowed things to just be. However, an area that needs improvement would be my standards for people.
Fourth intent was to pursue freedom. || By this, I meant that by letting go of grudges, forgiving my own faults and insecurities, and being moldable clay in the hands of the Creator + allowing the Lord live through me, this would grant me the freedom I desired. "Letting go is so hard, but being free is so beautiful". How did I do with this one?
I'd like to think I've grown into a more free-er version of myself this past year; I've let go of what other people think of me, and that has more power than most people know. I know who I am, because I have my identity in the Lord. I know how much I am worth, because my Savior spent everything and more so that I might be given a second chance. It really doesn't matter what others say (and believe me, this past year I've dealt with a lot of people saying a lot of stuff about me), because I know what God says about me.
I still struggle with my own humanity, and I still have crippling insecurities and I still have small grudges against people who have hurt me... but there is such freedom in giving your hurt to the One who was destined to take it. I've learned a lot of tough lessons through those people, and I've realized to learn from them rather than be bitter.
I believe I have found the freedom I needed in 2021.
My fifth and final intent was to pursue mental, physical, and spiritual health. || For the first half of the year, I actually did a really good job with this one. I lost a good 50lbs at the end of 2020 and the beginning of 2021, and I managed to keep the weight off for the first half of the year too. I struggle with a few hormone disorders like endometriosis and PCOS, so my weightloss was to reduce symptoms and the like, rather than a vanity thing. I felt great and pain-free for the first time in y e a r s . However when I moved to college, I went through a lot of heavy stress and other issues and I gained it back.
Even though I didn't end the year in the place I wanted to be, I'm encouraged with the thought that I can take control of my thoughts and my health at any point, I only need the motivation and drive to do it. I may not be where I want, or even where I was, but I don't have to stay in this place for long, and I find that encouraging.
Set backs are nothing more than little obstacles to overcome... I think I had a really good effort with this intention, and I'm proud of myself.
A Bible verse that has stuck with me the past two years is 1 Corinthians 6:19-20:
"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies."
Like I said, this intention was a bit more of a struggle for me than the others. I am still a work in progress, and my hope for 2022 is that I will continue on in a healthy headspace, and continuing in honoring the Lord with my body and mind.
Friends, thank you for reading this update and for supporting me in all different ways. I started blogging two years ago, and even though I haven't gotten very far, my small and endearing audience means so much to me. I started this blog for me, as an outlet for all of my creativity. It means so much that there are people who are willing and who care to read what I might have to say, and for that I thank you.
Let's continue on in 2022 with happy hearts and minds :)
–– emma k ––
Comments